10: 38 PM

Less than two hours before I turn 18. And guess what? You’re not with me. As usual. Ah, the misfits of being in a long distance relationship. Give me just this time to break my walls and lower my shields and become vulnerable. For once, let me feel sentimental – and here I go.

Someday, we won’t have to celebrate our birthdays apart. I know in my bitter but hopeful heart that there will come a time when I will turn God knows how old and you will be right here beside me. I would be within earshot when you would greet me on my special day and for once, I would feel your warm, secure hug. When your birthday comes, I would also be there, of course. I would witness your facial reaction when I set up my surprise and I would know whole-heartedly that my efforts are not in vain and are highly appreciated. Oh, I yearn for those kinds of days to come.

 There will come a time when FaceTime and Skype won’t mean as much to us now because we would be given the privilege of seeing each other every minute of every hour of every day. Our faces won’t be pixelated or warped or blurry because personal encounters would be possible as if we were only neighbours. We wouldn’t have to depend so much on voice calls or text messages because we would always be cuddles up by the couch watching series that we both love and having senseless conversations that would mean everything to us. Someday distance won’t be hindrance anymore, but a successful challenge completed for the both of us.

One day, we’ll both look back on all of this and say “God damn, we made it.”

Nada.

Hide Your Love Away

I have always been a cliche kind of person no matter how much I try to deny or hide it. I secretly love it when I see couples mush around with each other. It warms me inside when I see old & young couples walking together, hand in hand, in romantic places. It gives me happiness to see random and even close people contented and at peace with their significant other. At times, I have felt jealous and have even questioned myself with silly dilemmas such as, “When will I experience happiness like that?” or “When will my time come?” It is only recently that I have realized that maybe, just maybe, I might have already met the right person and that the only meddle that stands between us is time.

I’ve been searching for the perfect song that would match my mood as to what and how I feel regarding this situation. And I’m glad that the song ‘Hide Your Love Away’ was recommended to me. I’ve been listening to this track for quite sometime and have reflected well on its lyrics. I might as well have assumed that the song was made just for me. “I’m looking with my eyes wide open, til I find you in the right time and place.” Someday, in the right place & the right time, & with the right person, I will experience these things that I see in the everyday couples that I encounter. I know that I am still young and that I have a lot to go through with the years that are yet to come & so, I just need that right person to “hide his love away” for me for the mean time. Sometimes, in life, I have learned that two people have to grow apart in order to become the person who they really are meant to be.

“There will come a day, when I will finally say, ‘Staring in your eyes; I’ve waited my whole life for this night.” This line spoke to me the most and really captured my ears and heart because it made me realize that, at the end of everything, if it’s really meant to be, it will. With no barriers and limits. 🙂

Mumbo Jumbo Bullshit.

SISTERHOOD8

I’ve always imagined friendship looking like this. Real, strong friendships. They say that as you grow old, the old friends you made whilst in your early years who have stayed with your through your everything, end up being your friends “forever.”

But what does it really mean to be a friend? To be selfless? Possibly. Honest? More so. More than that thought, I think that friendship is about acceptance. To let a person in your own life, regardless of their history and of their flaws. And if you want your relationship to last, you have to put efforts in keeping those special people in your life. But what if those so called “real friends” suddenly cut themselves off of your life in a single snap of a finger? Leaving you frustrated and wondering, whatever it is you did that made her do so.

The last time I cried for a friend, was about 5 years ago, when I realised that my best friend and I started to grow apart. I didn’t understand back then why it had to happen. I was confused and mad. Little did I know that, we simply just both grew up into the respective individuals that we were meant to become. Something did change, but we still remained good friends. I value the friendships I make. Friends to me, are unrelated siblings that need to be cherished and simply taken care of. Part of my being wouldn’t be instilled in me and developed if it weren’t for the friends I had and have, of course. They are the little bits of milestones that have influenced me in how I see certain things. It was only recently that I had to become emotional again because of a certain friend, and a certain situation that still leaves me baffled up to the present moment. Was it really necessary to just.. ignore me like that without my knowing why?

Was it something I said? Or did? I really don’t know…

Unbroken

v

You know that feeling? When you’re just waiting.

Waiting to get home.

Into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that kept in all day.

That feeling of both relief and desperation.

Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either.

And you’re tired.

Tired of everything, tired of nothing.

And you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay.

But no one’s going to be there.

And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you.

But you’re tired of waiting.

Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself & everyone else.

Tired of being so strong.

And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved.

But you know you won’t be.

But you’re still hoping, and you’re still wishing. And you’re still staying strong & fighting, with tears in your eyes.

You’re fighting.

Promise Yourself,

To be so strong, that nothing can destroy your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the bright side of everything and make your optimisms come true.

To think, work for, & only expect for the best.

To be just as enthusiastic at the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past & press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living, breathing creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself, that you find no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself, and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but in great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side, so as long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Faith, Trust, & …

2

 

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

<3

“You are not a perfect woman. You have an evil temper, you’re as blind as a mole, you’re a deplorable poet, and frankly, your French accent could use some work.” Supporting himself on his elbows, Leo took her face in his hands. “But when I put those things together with the rest of you, it makes you into the most perfectly imperfect woman I’ve ever known.” — Lisa Kleypas, Married by Morning.

Cliches.

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You think fairy tales are only for girls? Here’s a hint – ask yourself who wrote them. I assure you, it wasn’t just the women. It’s the great male fantasy – all it takes is one dance to know that she’s the one. All it takes is the sound of her song from the tower, or a look at her sleeping face. And right away you know – that this is the girl in your head, sleeping or dancing or singing in front of you. Yes, girls want their princes, but boys want their princesses just as much. And they don’t want a very long courtship. They want to know immediately.

Take Cinderella for example. Cinderella was such a dork. She left behind her glass slipper at the ball and then went right back to her stepmother’s house. It seems to me she should have worn the glass slipper always, to make herself easier to find. I always hope that after the prince found Cinderella and they rode away in their magnificent carriage, after a few miles, she turned to him and said, “Could you drop me off down the road, please? Now that I’ve finally escaped my life of horrific abuse, I’d like to see something of the world, you know? Maybe backpack across Europe or Asia? I’ll catch back up with you later, Prince, once I’ve found my own way. Thanks for finding me, though! Super-sweet of you. And you can keep the slippers. They’ll probably cause bunions if I keep wearing ’em.”